A–Z Index of Narcissistic Abuse Terms

A deep dread of being left, rooted in early unmet needs and exploited by narcissists.

Forgetting or suppressing the abuse, which keeps survivors returning to it.

Tied narcissism to insufficient early nurturing and a deep fear of abandonment.

An overt subtype focused on winning, dominance, and direct conflict.

A disorder sharing narcissism’s callousness, with added disregard for others’ rights.

Downplaying your achievements and worth through criticism, mockery, or dismissiveness.

The limits that protect your space, energy, and self, routinely disregarded by narcissists.

Dismissiveness toward others’ feelings, stemming from self-absorption.

Derives supply from intelligence, expertise, and being the smartest person in the room.

The dramatic-erratic group of disorders that includes narcissistic personality disorder.

Compulsively focusing on another’s needs, often at the cost of your own.

The tension of holding contradictory beliefs, e.g. loving someone who harms you.

Seeks validation through a self-sacrificing, virtuous, martyr persona.

Trauma from prolonged, repeated relational harm; themes of fear, shame, and shutdown.

Hides grandiosity behind apparent shyness, sensitivity, and victimhood; quietly devastating.

Originator of “traumatizing narcissism”, focuses on the relational harm done to the survivor.

Disconnecting from thoughts, feelings, or memories when reality is overwhelming.

Keeping people apart so they can’t unite, support each other, or compare notes.

True self / false self, and the “good enough” mother.

The Persecutor–Rescuer–Victim roles narcissists rotate through to control.

The nine diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder.

Playing on your emotions (guilt, fear, obligation, to influence you for their benefit.

Sharing and understanding others’ feelings, genuinely lacking in narcissists.

Those who allow abuse to continue through denial, silence, or misguided support.

Demanding that others reinforce and serve a grandiose self-image.

A curated, idealized persona used to hide insecurity, which narcissists fully identify with.

The child blamed for the whole family’s dysfunction, often the truth-teller.

Third parties who carry out the narcissist’s agenda and enforce their narrative.

Manipulating you into doubting your own memory, perception, and sanity.

The child idealized as an extension of the narcissistic parent’s grandiose self.

An inflated sense of self-importance, specialness, and superiority.

The myth of Narcissus and Echo that gave narcissism its name.

Conditioning a victim into compliance and silence, often by shifting blame onto them.

The restored sense that your own feelings, thoughts, and needs are legitimate.

When the narcissist’s point of view is treated as the only valid reality, overriding yours.

Self psychology, mirroring, idealization, and narcissistic rage.

The narcissistic relationship cycle: pedestal, tear-down, throw-away, then suck back in.

The gradual wearing away of your sense of self under a narcissist’s imposed reality.

Unconsciously “swallowing whole” others’ views of you and absorbing them into your own self-concept.

Saw narcissism as a neurosis built on an inflated ideal self and neurotic pride.

Being denied the right to your own experience, reduced to an object in the relationship.

Deception used to manipulate, control, and maintain a steady supply of admiration.

Assuming and defending a superior position so you are kept one-down.

Narcissism plus antisocial traits: consciously cruel, sadistic, and paranoid.

Object-relations theorist of splitting and projective identification.

The breakdown that follows when a narcissist’s grandiosity can no longer hold.

A wound to a narcissist’s fragile self-image, or to a child’s developing self-worth.

Disproportionate, lingering fury at any perceived threat to their self-esteem.

The attention, admiration, or even fear narcissists crave to feed their self-image.

Chronic failure to see, attune to, or meet your emotional needs.

Cutting off all contact with the narcissist to break the cycle and begin healing.

Being treated as an object for use until you begin to view and evaluate yourself that way too.

Playing the victim to attack from a protected position and harvest sympathy.

Object-relations theory of pathological narcissism, splitting, and the false self.

The classic, openly self-important narcissist who makes little effort to hide it.

Manipulating children to reject and become estranged from their other parent.

Habitual, compulsive lying that becomes second nature, sometimes even self-deceiving.

Eliciting sympathy to gain attention, advantage, and control in social settings.

Disowning your own unbearable feelings by ascribing them to someone else, then “seeing” those traits in them.

Not just attributing a feeling to you, but behaving so as to actually induce that feeling in you.

Frightening, controlling, or isolating someone through persistent words and actions.

Alternating rejection and intense warmth: intermittent reinforcement that forms trauma bonds.

Provoking you until you finally react, then using your reaction as “proof” that you are the abuser.

Systematically controlling you so the narcissist’s disowned vulnerability stays displaced into you.

Locating a family or group’s disowned shame and blame in one person.

Deliberately refusing to acknowledge you, including the silent treatment and ostracism.

Distinguished primary (normal) from secondary (defensive) narcissism.

Damaging your reputation by spreading false or distorted information about you.

Cutting you off from support networks so you depend only on the narcissist.

Derives narcissistic supply from physical appearance, sexual conquest, and bodily superiority.

Uses spiritual or moral superiority as the vehicle for grandiosity and control.

When a captive identifies with and defends their captor as a survival strategy.

A powerful attachment formed through cycles of abuse and intermittent reward.

Bringing in a third party to create rivalry, control communication, and destabilize you.

Recognizing a person’s inner experience as real and legitimate, vital to healing.

The capacity to be emotionally affected; feared by narcissists, reclaimed in recovery.

Deliberately denying communication, affection, or resources to control you.

Confusing, circular, shifting talk that prevents resolution and exhausts you.