Meditation for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Discover Your Hidden Power to Heal

Mindfulness meditation for narcissistic abuse recovery should be one of the first things you try if you want to truly heal.

Guided meditations can be pleasant, but they are passive and won’t fundamentally change you.

You need to do a tiny bit of actual work to change your brain, to significantly change the way you experience the world. You need to rewire your brain a little, by exercising it a little.

Real meditation may sound like it’s only for “advanced” people, but it is so simple a child can do it, and it will quickly improve your brain and your experience of life.

Meditation Alleviates CPTSD from Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse results in a prison of fear and shame – emotionally hypervigilant, terrible thoughts racing through your head, feeling horrible about yourself, and with trouble trusting other people.

What I’ve described above are the 3 hallmark symptoms of Complex PTSD, namely:

1. Emotional dysregulation
2. Identity disturbances (shame)
3. Relationship disturbances

Simple mindfulness meditation, as described in this article, is an:

• Extremely effective
• Fast-acting
• Completely free
• Always accessible, and
• Very simple

… thing you can do right now that rapidly improves all 3 aspects of CPTSD described above:

1. Mindfulness meditation can potentially enhance emotional regulation like few other activities can
   • People who meditate tend to have very good emotional regulation
2. It also helps shame-based identity distortions by allowing you to detach from ruminations and narratives
3. It can also improve relationships by reducing hypervigilance and making you less reactive
   • It gives you a space between perceiving something and deciding how you want to respond to it

It is also important to approach mindfulness with respect. Start slow, and realize that a small to moderate amount can be a great thing, while too much can possibly be a bad thing.

Understanding Meditation for Narcissistic Abuse

Mindfulness meditation is a practice that trains you to concentrate and focus your attention on the present moment with a non-judgmental awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations.

It helps us to detach from the non-stop narrative (a.k.a. “Monkey Mind”) that constantly chatters away in all of our minds.

It also gives our logical mind actual control over our fight/flight/freeze response.

If you have CPTSD, you know that cognitions are of little avail when you’re triggered.

But did you know that mindfulness meditation quickly causes neuronal changes which gives your pre-frontal cortex (thinking mind) new connections to, and actual executive control over, your amygdala (the brain’s “smoke alarm” that panics when it sees a trigger)?

Mindfulness is especially helpful for narcissistic abuse survivors because:

• Our ruminations/narratives/monkey minds tend to have exceptionally awful content
  • Namely, the projected worthlessness of the narcissist
  • Which we’ve taken on (introjected)
• We especially benefit from emotional regulation
  • The constant relationship ruptures without repair that are a part of narcissistic abuse badly dysregulate survivors and leave them experiencing a perpetual state of danger

What Are the Benefits of Mindfulness?

Some of the key benefits for narcissistic abuse survivors include:

This is amazing. And free.

I have found these benefits are very real and accessible. They don’t only apply to certain special meditating-type people. It pretty much works for everybody.

Not a Cure-All for CPTSD

Mindfulness is not an all-encompassing cure for CPTSD, but if you want to considerably reduce your suffering quickly, mindfulness might work. I think of it as an excellent coping mechanism for CPTSD and a great element of self-care.

It won’t cure or directly treat CPTSD – relational trauma ultimately gets healed relationally. However …

Mindfulness meditation can become very intrinsically enjoyable once you get good at it – sessions can be deeply relaxing.

And when you have a regular practice, it somehow enables you to notice and enjoy the simple pleasures of life – a sunset, the scenery in a random parking lot, a conversation with a co-worker, your work.

It helps you to comfortably focus on, and even enjoy, tasks and projects you would otherwise resist.

It also greatly reduces hypervigilance and reactivity to things that might otherwise ruin your day.

How Mindfulness Meditation for Narcissistic Abuse Can Alleviate CPTSD Symptoms

When you practice mindfulness meditation for narcissistic abuse, your brain usually undergoes changes that help reduce stress and anxiety. These changes also make you more resilient in the face of trauma, which is crucial for recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Mindfulness has been shown to strengthen the prefrontal cortex, which is the executive control center of the brain responsible for decision-making, attention, and emotional regulation. It’s the adult part that makes rational decisions about what to do and carries out your plans until they are fully executed.

As you practice mindfulness, your prefrontal cortex grows connections to and gains more control over, your amygdala. The amygdala is essentially your brain’s smoke detector. CPTSD leaves your amygdala liable to beeping constantly when there is no actual smoke. Mindfulness calms it down.

This results in a decreased stress response and reduced symptoms of post-traumatic stress.

Practicing mindfulness can also improve connectivity between subcortical brain structures responsible for emotion processing and regulation, such as the hippocampus and insula. This improved connectivity leads to better emotional regulation and resilience in the face of trauma.

Mindfulness practices have been found to influence endocrine function, particularly the regulation of cortisol, a stress hormone. By modulating cortisol levels, mindfulness can help reduce the physiological effects of stress in individuals recovering from narcissistic abuse.

How Long Does It Take for Meditation to Start Producing Results?

Not long. Even 2 weeks of consistent practice can cause improvements in your mental and emotional well-being.

8 weeks of 30-40 minutes/day has been shown to cause MRI-measured changes in brain structure.

Honestly, many people (myself and some clients) notice a considerable improvement after one session.  However, like any skill, mindfulness requires regular practice and commitment to experience lasting results. Short daily practice is very effective, but sporadic practice not so much.

Maybe start with 2-10 minutes per day; make it easy on yourself. I would not recommend more than 20 minutes/session.

You might be surprised at how profoundly you can affect your subjective experience by doing this simple practice. And that improved subjective experience can easily lead to more effective action in the world – empowerment.

This kind of success can go a long way in combating the learned helplessness that results from relational trauma.

I’ve witnessed people go from being anxious and completely overwhelmed to mostly calm and in control with just 2 weeks of 20 minutes per day of practice.

How to Meditate for Narcissitic Abuse Recovery

Choose a technique(s) that feel right for you – that takes you in a direction that feels better for you, a direction you want to go. Don’t do anything that doesn’t seem right, or push yourself if you get significantly distressed.

Breath Awareness Meditation (Anapana Meditation)

Mindfulness meditation can mean many different things. Here, I will describe Anapana meditation. This is where you should start – by developing the ability to concentrate and focus your attention.

Anapana meditation is an incredibly simple (but not easy) practice. It’s what I do, and the benefits cannot be overstated.

To practice Anapana, find a quiet space where you can sit comfortably. Set a timer for 5, 10, 15, or 20 minutes. Or 2 minutes if you’re nervous about it.

Close your eyes, take a few slow, deep breaths, and relax.  Now:

You’ll quickly discover you’re not good at this (nobody is) – you can’t focus on your breath for more than a few seconds, and you can go off into a daydream for a long time.

You may find it very frustrating or slightly maddening. Your mind is like a wild stallion that doesn’t want to be broken. It feels like dying to your mind. It simply must chatter on and on with its thinkingness – what it has to say is so crucial. (Except … not really.)

• This is normal
• You’ll improve over time
• It’s the time spent practicing that makes the difference

It doesn’t matter for how long you can keep your awareness on your breath. The worse you are at it, the greater the benefits you’ll experience. Because you need it more.

The benefits come from steps 3 & 4 above:

• Simply noticing that your attention has wandered, and
• Gently bringing your attention back to the present (the breath in this case)

Every time you do this, you are building the muscle of disengaging from your ruminations and staying present to what it is here now, what is real, the actual present reality.

This is an unbelievably valuable life skill.

Even the most accomplished meditators’ attention constantly wanders, they just get better at bringing it back to the present quicker and quicker.

This very simple practice, over time, usually leads to all the benefits described above.

Anapana works for some people, possibly not for others; it can make some people anxious. The breath is a traditional anchor point for meditation, but it’s not ideal for all people. Find what works for you; explore the internet.

If you want to learn all about mindfulness and the Buddhist philosophy behind this type of meditation, I recommend “Mindfulness in Plain English“.

Buddhism is a really method of reducing suffering.

Anapana is Energizing

Anapana meditation is a focusing, a concentrating of attention. It increases activity in the pre-frontal cortex.

It takes some effort – although don’t try too hard, try just hard enough. If you’re straining, that’s too hard. Your mind will wander, just gently bring it back.

It tends to be energizing, it’s an increase in top-down control. At the same time, it can be very calming because you’re disengaging from the distressing chatter in your head and quieting your distress. It can lead to relaxation, and it can improve sleep quality.

However, once you start to approach 30 minutes per day, your sleep may not be as restful and you might not sleep as much (maybe because you simply don’t need as much).

For safety, to make sure your sleep is preserved, you might want to keep it under 30 minutes per day.

Meditate Only in Places You Feel Safe

When practicing mindfulness meditation, it’s important to feel at ease in your surroundings. For individuals with CPTSD, safety is more crucial.

Choose a space where you feel comfortable and secure, whether it’s in your home, a quiet park where nobody can see you, or a designated meditation space. Feeling safe while meditating will help you focus on the mindfulness techniques.

Meditating in Difficult Emotional States: Be Kind to Your Mind

Experiencing anxiety or other negative emotions while meditating is common, especially for those with CPTSD. If you find yourself struggling with difficult emotions during your practice, remember to be kind to your mind.

Gently acknowledge your feelings without judgment and allow them to pass through your awareness. Don’t harshly judge yourself for whatever you get distracted by.

Compassionately acknowledge the suffering, and gently return to your breath …

… If that feels OK for you.

If not, then stop for the day. By practicing self-compassion, you’ll be better equipped to handle emotional challenges as they arise.

Your Daily Meditation Practice

One of the most effective ways to incorporate mindfulness into daily life is by committing to a daily meditation practice.

This can be as simple as 2 – 20 minutes/day doing the Anapana breath awareness meditation described above. 

Try doing 10 minutes every morning.

You may find that your day goes much more smoothly and things that would normally stress you out simply work themselves out without you ever worrying about them.

Have you ever thought “Why do I get so stressed about my day? Everything always gets worked out in the end, and I go home at the end of every day. I should just skip the stress.”

A meditation practice can allow you to actually pull that off. It’s quite miraculous.

Grounding Meditation / Yoga Nidra

For some people, breath awareness simply doesn’t work – it’s not right for them.

One alternative is to be mindful of your body, which is a less active, less focused, more grounding, and more relaxing type of meditation.

Body scan meditations / Yoga Nidra activates the relaxation response and increasing your parasympathetic nervous system activity. There is strong science behind this practice.

They can be great if you’re chronically hyperaroused and can’t relax.

• I recommend this YouTube Playlist for Guided Yoga Nidra (body scan) meditations.
  • I have found these guided meditations to be deeply relaxing, grounding, and refreshing.

Or you can use guided meditations available on various apps and websites such as Headspace, Insight Timer, or Meditation Oasis.

Incorporating Mindfulness into Daily Life

As you practice your mindfulness meditation regularly, you’ll likely notice improvements in your emotional well-being, attention, relationships, and ability to deal with stress.

Practice Mindfulness in Other Ways

Mindfulness doesn’t have to be limited to meditation. There are plenty of other ways to incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine. Some ideas include:

• Practice deep breathing exercises, such as inhaling for four counts, holding the breath for four counts, and exhaling for four counts, to promote relaxation.
• Engage in mindful eating by really savoring the flavors, textures, and smells of your meal.
• Make gratitude lists to remind yourself to stay present to the positive aspects of your life.

As you explore these different ways to practice mindfulness, find what resonates with you and serves your personal needs.

Pay Attention to Your Breath

Throughout the day, check in with yourself and notice your breath. Focusing on your breath can help ground you in the present moment, decrease stress, and enhance your thinking.

Zero in on your nostrils, or try placing one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen, noticing the rise and fall of your body as you breathe in and out.

Pay Attention to the Moment

Being present in the moment is a key aspect of mindfulness. Instead of getting lost in your thoughts about the past or future, aim to immerse yourself in the current experience.

Pay attention to your surroundings, notice details about your environment, and try to stay focused on the task at hand.

Embodied Walks

This is simply taking a walk while being in the world and in your body; not thinking about the world.

Many people probably just call this “walking”. For trauma survivors, you might have to do it intentionally.

For me, I take a walk while NOT:

• Talking to anybody
• Listening to an audiobook
• Listening to music
• Thinking about anything

I walk, feel the weight of my body, and look around at physical objects, preferably nature, without analyzing them or thinking about them, just perceiving them. This brings me down to earth.

Take Breaks: Breathe and Notice

Finally, take short breaks – like 1 minute – throughout your day to reconnect with your breath and observe your environment. Look up from your monitor and observe an object for a minute; be present.

This can improve memory and concentration and help you feel less overwhelmed by the challenges of life.

As you practice being present with yourself, you may find that mindfulness provides a solid foundation for lasting healing from CPTSD.

Dangers of Mindfulness Meditation

It’s important to approach mindfulness meditation with some caution. It’s a mind-altering activity. One thing you don’t want to do is overdo it and hurt yourself.

There is probably an optimal dose of mindfulness for each individual. You don’t want none whatsoever, and you don’t want too much. You want just the right amount.

If you’re not doing any, your well-being will probably improve with the addition of some mindfulness. If you do too much, your well-being may start to decline.

Like anything else, easy does it. If you’re old, injured, or out of shape, don’t join a CrossFit gym. You’re going to hurt yourself.

Similarly, don’t start meditating an hour a day, and don’t go on a 10-day silent retreat if you have CPTSD – people with trauma have gone psychotic on those retreats. It’s way too much.

Mindfulness meditation is a very powerful technology. It also involves letting your guard down a bit. You want to err on the safe side if you’ve experienced trauma, which narcissistic abuse most definitely is.

Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness: Practices for Safe and Transformative Healing is a great book about how to safely benefit from mindfulness.

Here’s a podcast about the risks of meditation and a link to resources if you’ve experienced negative side effects from meditation.

• For context, about 10% of people experience considerable negative side effects from meditation
• Many of these people are simply too gung-ho and dive in too deep, ignore their internal warning signs, and push themselves past the point of considerable distress
• So listen to yourself; healing trauma is about developing self-regulation, and self-soothing

Dissociation

Some survivors of narcissistic abuse who have CPTSD have learned to distance themselves from their bodies and live in their heads – to “dissociate” from the body because there are too many dysregulated negative emotions in it.

There can be a certain dissociative aspect to some forms of meditation – you’re living more in your pre-frontal cortex which is separating you from your limbic system (your emotions).

If you tend to be out of touch with your body, emotions, and relationships, please don’t fall prey to the temptation to spiritually bypass your trauma by meditating your way straight to Nirvana. That won’t work, and that’s how people get hurt. You still have to come to terms with things down here on earth.

Or, for some dissociators, for right now, letting down their guard and focusing on their breath might backfire. Things could potentially bubble up and be overwhelming.

Not necessarily though – meditation could also lead to a nice oasis of calm in the mind. A stable place from which you can slowly dip back into your bodily awareness and integrate your body and emotions over time, preferably with the help of a competent professional.

However, the breath is connected to the autonomic nervous system, and it is possible that traditional breath awareness meditation could trigger overwhelming emotions or intrusive memories, leading to increased distress.

If you know you dissociate a lot, just use your head – be cautious and start slow. If you sense a trend towards further dissociation or overwhelm, simply back off for a while.

Meditation is not a magic bullet. Try small adjustments and listen to yourself. Err on the safe side. That’s self-regulation. Practice self-soothing as soon as you get distressed.

Listen to Yourself

When practicing mindfulness, it’s essential to pay close attention to your body’s signals. If it’s making you feel better, keep it up, maybe increase it a little – do it twice a day.

If you experience discomfort, increased anxiety, intrusive thoughts, apathy, or depression, it’s a sign that you should take a break or modify your practice.

Stay within your personal window of tolerance – what are the warning signs that tell you you’re beginning to get distressed? If they arise, back off and do the things that typically bring you down – eat a heavy meal, get some decent sleep, lift something heavy – what works for you?

If you get hyperaroused, then grounding techniques, like focusing on your environment, or the sensations in a neutral/grounded part of the body, like your hands or feet, can help regain a sense of stability and safety.

I’ve noticed that doing a lot of Anapana meditation can give me a lot more energy, and make me need less sleep (while also feeling much more rested).

If I don’t discharge that energy, however, by using my body or outputting some creativity into the world, it can lead to a feeling of too much energy. So use your new energy – exercise, take up yoga, or make something beautiful with your new energy.

Exercise Due Caution

If your intuition tells you that you’re beginning to get too distressed while meditating:

• Take a break
• Pivot to more grounding meditations
  • That focuses your attention on your external environment, or
  • Your body
• Simply distract yourself
• Do whatever has soothed you in the past

If you’re practicing mindfulness and notice you’re just getting worse overall, take a break.

Mindfulness is not a magic bullet, and it’s not an external regimen to be imposed on you without your feedback and input. It’s a powerful tool that you can experiment with to improve your subjective experience – which you, and you only, are the authority on.

Enjoy the benefits and minimize the risks.

Jim McGee

Trauma Informed Coach

NARM-Informed Professional

I bring a blend of personal experience and professional expertise to my work. Having navigated & continuing to navigate my own journey of recovery from CPTSD, I now serve as a puzzle master & voice of experience for fellow travelers on their own path to healing.

Learn More About Me